100 challenge week 24

There once lived a lovely young girl named Cinderella she was a quite capable young girl but was a slave to her rotten step mother. Until one day a letter arrived in the mail about a royal ball. She jumped at the idea but soon realised that the invitation was not for her. So she snuck out to the dress shop and stole her step mothers purse to buy a beautiful royal dress for the ball.

2 years later

As Cinderella sit on her big royal bed she sobbed at the death of her royal prince. She starts to wonder if she should have gone to the ball in the first place.

2 Comments
  1. Hi,

    I liked your twist on the original story- although it is safe to say that the ending definitely isn’t as happy! I thought the ‘2 years later’ idea was really good, as it allowed me to see what happened to Cinderella way after the ball. I wish the word count was slightly higher, so I could find out what happened leading up to his death!

    Amy (Team 100WC)

  2. Hello Brigitte,

    You have certainly twisted the traditional story of Cinderella into something different. While Cinderella was still enslaved to an evil stepmother, the invitation to a ball wasn’t to all unwed women. It was written for someone else. That’s where you really diverge from the tradition.

    As I read on, I found your story didn’t invent a fairy godmother. Instead, Cinderella faced a dilemma. She decided she would go uninvited to the ball but, without magic, she decided to steal a dress. In what some would think karma*, Cinderella didn’t have a happy ending. She lost her prince only two years later. I found your entry a very interesting read. Well done. 🙂

    I can see the care you have taken with spelling and punctuation. My suggestion might be to reconsider where some sentences might have started and ended. It can be very easy to miss these when you have good ideas to share. I know I do and always have to reread my writing in the hope of finding the errors I make. Looking at your story, here is what I mean…
    There once lived a lovely young girl named Cinderella. She was a quite capable young girl but was a slave to her rotten stepmother until one day a letter arrived in the mail about a royal ball.

    You have a creative mind and have shown me you can share an interesting story. I hope you keep entering the 100WC. I think you have more adventures to share with readers.

    Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
    Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia

    *karma – destiny or the belief wrong deeds will come back to you

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